Medieval times
You sure you weren't looking for the modern world, the early world, history of the world, or something of that nature? The Medieval Times or the Medeval times, depending on if you can spell, included the time period from 0 AD to 1992, so there's a whole lot to explain in this section that may take a while to explain, as noted earlier in this sentence, way back when you were reading about five minute ago because it takes you a really long time to comprehend the things being said, right? During this time many people were going crazy over crack and were trying to find new methods to pleasure themselves so they turned to Weed and so THUS weed became popular amongst people who are cool (like America, for example). This period suceeds the early world and precedes the modern world, according to Wikipedia, a James Bond-fanbased website that enjoys advertising in people's faces, door-to-door salesman working, ads that put fucking viruses into your computers, and other really fucking ANNOYING things like that. Common mishaps things during this time include the creation of Christianity, the crap with the Roman Empire, about Noah, China turning communist, The Sound of Music killing everyone when it was released, among other things that happened during the course of over 1991 years. And don't say that those things didn't happen, because you know they did and that you can't deny it because you didn't live long enough to know what happened. But Misencyclopedia did. MUHAHA. Christianity (0 AD– 200 AD) Jesus (0 AD–30 AD) Alright, so first off, Christianity felt that it needed to fucking invade everybody's lives and "spread the word of God" and so they attempted to when Jesus came around, but Jesus really wasn't enough to change people's minds because he was just like "Ey, God is this guy who's sitting back, watching a [football game from a place I like to call Heaven, and he is going to send you to fucking Hell if you don't fucking worship him, you filthy motherfucker" and then he takes out a gun. He says "so are you gonna worship him?" and then you must say "uh, do i have a choice in this" and then he goes "oh, oh, alright. So that's how it is. You can't even fucking do one favor for me? I just asked one thing from you. One fucking thing! ONE! And you have to fucking turn me down like that! Alright, I see how it is, you MOTHERFUCKER. I'm outta here. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. You don't give a shit. Get the fuck outta my face. Fuck you, man." And that didn't really get them anywhere because people were just like "what the fuck?" and so it took Christians many years to get popular and start annoying the fuck outta everyone they see. So Jesus was arrested and, NO, he did NOT sacrifice his fucking life so you could ask for forgiveness because of all the "sin" you've created. NO, that's not what he did. He had no choice in this. The Romans fucking hated him and they decided to crucify him, and then they stole his body from his grave and creamated him and smashed the pot into a river after setting it on fire again. The followers continue to "spread the word of God" (30 AD–200 AD) Well, turns out, the religion didn't stop there. The Romans continued to kill Christians for all the harm they'd caused to the Romans for not worshipping their unbelievable gods, so they were persecuted until Constantine felt like he had to see a cross out in the middle of fucking nowhere and put it on his shields and uniforms. Turns out it was the power of Google that saved his sorry ass from losing. But that ended the persecution of Christians. And then they dominated all that they could find. Yeah, they robbed, mugged, killed people who were atheists, Muslims, Islamic, or anything other than them, just like one really big, super-sized gang that was going around town burning down houses and shooting people for not believing the Bible, God, and Jesus were right about everything and such. The Western half of the Roman Empire feels like annoying the hell outta people (200 AD–400 AD) Once the Roman empire was really popular and such, for like 200 years, it finally was invaded by the Huns and they were some pretty badass people who were able to defeat the Western half of the Roman empire, because all that side of the empire did was smoke weed and get high all the time, but the eastern half were as wealthy as Bill Gates and they didn't need any financial help. All they did was lay back on their hammocks and enjoy the Sun. However, the Huns, mainly Matilda the Hun, felt like she needed to invade Rome and so she did, and she had a bazooka and she blew up the entire Western empire with it, and about 13 people died. The rest had evacuated via airplane, train, car, boat, ship, ehm....spaceship, etc. Noah builds an ark (400 AD–600 AD) :Main article: Noah The telephone call Alright, so there's this guy named Noah Sanchez, right? And he hears the voice of God, through a telephone call, which is specifically James Earl Jones' voice, of course, and God tells him "Alright, Noah, so get this straight in your head. I want you to build an arc. A fucking bigass arc the size of your fucking mom's ass or something, alright? And I need you to gather all the animals up and make sure they fuck each other enough to have enough babies to where the world will continue living because I'm so fucking tired of all the people in this world, dude, they just fucking piss me off, okay? So I want you to build this ark in, like, 2 hours, man, alright? And it's going to rain for about 40 days and nights, so you're going to need Internet access, but I gotcha covered man, no worries." Building the ship So Noah says, "Alright, I'm a man who believes that I need to build a really big arc in 2 hours and then gather all the animals in pairs of two and then float on top of waters that will flood the entire earth because it's going to rain for 40 days and nights. That sounds really believable. I'm doing it." And so he built the arc and it actually did happen, strangely, just as God predicted, but Noah was a little high and forgot some species, such as the dinosaurs. And he had to admit, they were just too fucking big to fit on the ship. They took up too much space so he was like "Yeah, you're going to, umm, have to stay here, because....Eh, yeah, you're too big." After it rained So after it flooded the Earth and there was a beautiful rainbow and the sky was pretty and the Sun was really shiny and nice and the grass was as green as it could've ever been, Noah got attacked by Ninjas and they killed him in 600 AD. China turns evil/communist (600 AD-900 AD) On June 4, 600 AD, the chief executive of the Chinan Empire received an email from India declaring that China must become a communist by July 15 or the emailer will shoot fifteen hydrogen bombs at China. However, China declined to become communist because they were lazy (back then) and so India and China went to war for the next three hundred years but then the countries blew up. Or something like that. That was when, suddenly, the Internet just suddenly stopped working, TVs just turned off, and the radio stopped playing songs and instead played quacking ducks. This resulted in an after-war called The 1st Afterwar, which was from 800 AD – 900 AD. But then, the messiah (the first episode of Family Guy) came and brought everything back to life. So, yeah, that's what happened from that period of time. Really, nothing else happened. Everywhere else they just laid down on the ground and slept for three hundred years. The Sound of Music nearly wipes out all of humanity (1000 AD–1200 AD) During the next few years (100 years, to be exact) nothing happened in those years, so we call that the Years in which nothing happened years, which in most people's books, is very creative. However, due to the release of The Sound of Music on 1000 AD, people who thought that the world was going to end in 1000 linked that movie to that because everyone who watched The Sound of Music got AIDS and everyone who got AIDS died. Except for Magic Johnson. But he was one of the few people who were immune to it. Magic Johnson In fact, Magic Johnson was the only person immune to it who lived from the effects of The Sound of Music. Everyone else was eaten by the Infected, who were a group of people who survived watching The Sound of Music but were mutated into monsters and were afraid of sunlight (or whatever). Magic's dog, Sam, was his only companion. Soon after this happened, he changed his name to Will Smith and starred in the movie I Am Legend and was about his personal life in 1000 AD–1200 AD, in which the population of the world was increasingly decreasing. Linkin Park save the day (1150–1200 AD) During these years, a band that everyone loved for whatever reason, Linkin Park, were getting more and more popular until ONE day, they decided that they would write a new song that would be encouraging the people left to have sex more and reproduce more and so they created and named the song "New Divide". Jon Stewart sentences all Republicans to Hell (1400–1450) In 1400, a man named Jon Stewart who just happens to host his own show called The Daily Show and is a Democrat just happens to have no relation at all with Jon Stewart currently. No, Jon Stewart ruled the world with an iron fist and made all women who were rich give about $10,000 to the poor who weren't rich. This made everyone hate Jon Stewart so he created the apocalypse when he sentenced all Republicans to go to hell after they died. And they weren't even allowed to text in hell, either. What a shame........... See also *The early world *The modern world Category:Geography Category:History